Child and Teen Psychologist at the University of Indonesia Vera Itabiliana Hadiwidjojo drew attention to a method to provide external validation or to praise children without the negative impact.

“Parents often wonder if their children will become big-headed or if they will not be driven to achieve better things if they are constantly praised,” she noted at a webinar on Wednesday.

“In reality, praising is not a simple action. It is not easy,” she affirmed.

According to Hadiwidjojo, a good praise should be directed toward the process behind the success that the children achieve.

General praises, such as ‘Wow, you are great’ or ‘Wow, you are smart,’ will have a negative impact on children.

“If these praises are repeated, then it would make children feel like they are the greatest and smartest in the world,” she stated.

As soon as these children step outside their houses and encounter a little difficulty, their confidence would easily shatter, she remarked.

As a better example, parents could say ‘I am so proud that you can get up early in the morning on your own,’ which will have a better effect on children.

Children still need praise or external validation until they become teenagers. This validation comes in the form of appreciation from their surrounding environment to nurture motivation, she affirmed.

“Which is why there are some children, who will be motivated to study, if they are promised with certain reward,” she affirmed.

However, Hadiwidjojo emphasized that parents should also help in nurturing and developing internal validation within their children.

Internal validation is a form of pride and excitement that emerge within a child’s own psyche without being triggered by other people’s praises.

This validation usually starts to develop in teenagers aged 16 to 18 years.

Statements, such as ‘You must be proud of yourself for waking up on your own’ or ‘You must be proud of yourself for putting in your best effort’ could be used to nurture internal validation.

“As a result, they would realize on their own that I do not need to do this to get praises from others because it makes me happy or proud over what I have done’,” the psychologist explained.

Source: Antara News